“We have to let the light in. We have to learn to trust again and be vulnerable again. And through boundaries and knowing yourself and knowing the red flags. And knowing your inner authority through your human design.”
-Raven Scott
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and difficult process. Discover what echoism of narcissistic abuse is and how you can rebuild yourself in this episode.
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- 5 Ways to Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse: And rise up from Echoism
- What is Echoism?
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5 Ways to Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse: And rise up from Echoism
Escaping narcissistic abuse is no easy task, but it is possible. Recovering from the trauma of this type of abuse can be a daunting process, especially when dealing with echoism – a learned behavior that keeps people in an invisible prison. In this episode, learn what echoism is and how you can heal and revive yourself after experiencing narcissistic abuse.
What is Echoism?
Echoism is the phenomenon that occurs in victims of narcissistic abuse where they learn to internalize and absorb the pain caused by the abuser. It’s a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) where the victim feels they are on alert even when there isn’t an imminent threat of danger present. This can cause feelings of isolation, abandonment and feelings of inferiority and insignificance, but there are ways to rebuild yourself after experiencing echoism.
Strategies to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse
While recovering from narcissistic abuse and echoism, it’s important to take steps towards healing. This includes seeking professional help such as therapy or counseling, engaging in self-care activities like yoga or journaling, and creating positive habits like developing a routine to establish stability. Additionally, connecting with friends, family and a support group can be beneficial in rebuilding yourself after narcissistic abuse.
But it was empty on the inside and that’s my responsibility. I let the narcissist fool me. I mean, I let my own narcissistic traits. Allow myself to be in this toxic relationship with someone who didn’t really care for me, who didn’t love me.
14:24
You have the power within you to rise up!
Highlights
- Echoism is the phenomenon that occurs in victims of narcissistic abuse
- Strategies to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse
- Say No
- Take Responsibility for only your part
- Lean into self love and celebrate yourself
- Develop high quality connections
- Let the Light in
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Transcript
How to Rebuild Life After Narcissistic Abuse Echoism
Raven Scott: Welcome to the Empath and the narcissist podcast where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host, Raven Scott, a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher and human design. And expert. And empowering him past three times a week in recovery. Covering healing from narcissistic abuse.
And childhood trauma through human design. self care, mindfulness advice and expert interview. .
Subscribe now. This is season five episode 19 rebuilding. Building yourself after narcissistic abuse. What is echoism?
We have to let the light in. We have to learn to trust again and be vulnerable again. And through boundaries and knowing yourself and knowing the red flags. And knowing your inner authority through your human design.
Just a reminder. This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not. A substitute for professional help. This episode is sponsored by. Better help. You don’t need to wait until you are in an emergency state of mind. To go to therapy. If you have been abused by a narcissist that’s reason enough.
Therapy is there. For you to support you and is not going to label you as being wrong. I was. Able to identify. I was conditioned to be codependent and I didn’t even know. What that word was until I went to therapy, it gave me such immense freedom to know I wasn’t. Crazy and it confirmed. I was emotionally abused.
And I received. A diagnosis that I was experiencing PTSD, which gave me. The ability to find tools to ease the ultimately release it. Try out therapy in the convenience of your own home. Better help who offers licensed therapists? Nor trained to allow you to talk to the therapist in a private online environment.
At your convenience. Finding a therapist is easy just about the questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you get. get matched with a therapist and under, 48 hours Everything you share is completely confidential and therapy joined the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced better help therapist Get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com forward slash and path The link is in the show notes
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and difficult process. Discover what echo ism is. Is. Echoism of narcissistic abuse is, and how. You can rebuild yourself in this episode, escaping narcissist. The stick abuse is no easy task, but it is possible. And recovering from the. Trauma of this type of abuse can be a daunting process.
Especially when dealing with echo ism. Echoism is a learned behavior that keeps people in an invisible prison. And I’ll be sharing you in depth. Of where this term came from in this episode. Learn what echoism is. And how you can heal. And revive yourself. After experiencing. Narcissistic Abuse So let’s get to it 20,
20, 22, the year of narcissism and everyone discovering what it is and labeling everyone as one. And now in 2023, we are diving into relationships. A main theme and energy is how do we want to relate to each other? And what do we do with this information about narcissism? We’ve exhausted the topic now, what.
So let’s talk about echoism.
The term echoism is coined from the ancient Greek story of echo and narcissist. Cursed by Hara to repeat only the last word said to her. echo was a mountain Nim. Who fell in love with a handsome narcissist. She followed him around craving his love. But the handsome hunter was interested only in himself.
When he died, staring at his own reflection. Echo wasted away in devastation. Leaving nothing but her own voice behind.
The story of the two lovers ended in tragedy, you can think of it possibly as you and pat and a narcissist. And this only is you in this stuck stage of healing. Identifying as the victim. Still being angry for what’s happened. And this is a phase and the warning is don’t get stuck in the phase. Don’t get stuck in the echo of the abuse and your abuser to finding who you are.
The story of these two lovers ended in tragedy as all the Greek myths. Do. . And it became an apt metaphor for the relationship, which so often exists between empaths and narcissist. Echoism is a heartbreaking fall from passion found most often in those who have experienced extensive narcissistic abuse. And it involves a separation of the self and a desperate desire not to fall into the patterns of their narcissistic abusers.
This is from an article written by Eby Johnson, who talks also about narcissists on medium.
It’s tragic. How we can feel so much, like we’ve lost ourselves with the narcissist. They’ve diminished us so much by raising themselves up. That we’ve forgotten who we are. We’ve lost our voice. All of our chakras are completely out of whack. And it’s hard to ask for what we really want. ,
Before I list some of the overall experiences. Of echoism. I’m going to play a clip before we head to our commercial break. I wish everyone understood that breaking up with a narcissist isn’t just a normal breakup. You don’t go through the normal breakup routine. You don’t just get over it in, you know, a couple weeks or you move on to someone else and it’s finally all over and your feelings are out of your mind. Disappear.
With a narcissist, you have trauma that you have to get over. You have pieces of that relationship that sit with you potentially for life because they affected you so much because they broke you down so much that you’re reactive to everything. They groomed you into the person that you are now, and you learned all these things subconsciously because they programmed you to be a certain way so they could control you.
And it’s like how do you actually move on from that? You have to unlearn everything that they taught you or trained you to do or believe or whatever it is. And it doesn’t just happen like that. However long you were with them, however long you were like that, it takes time to get over that.
Thank you for your podcast and book. It has helping me through this dark period. Thank you for sharing your story. End. I have heard this countless of times and I’m so grateful. My guidebook is to serve you in your healing journey, and it weaves my story into lessons and is a must read on your self-discovery journey.
I’ve included 20 plus healing resources such as guided meditations, exercises, and journal prompts to heal and to understand your human design and some astrology concepts as. You can buy your copy of my book, EMBA and the Narcissist, how to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse and Recover from P T S D Codependency, gaslighting Manipulation, and learn how to live your true Self with Human Design 1 0 1 on Amazon and listen on Audible.
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I’m going to list off some, overall experiences of echoism that may manifest in your life as symptoms of.
Extraordinary empathy.
Unhealthy empathy. I would say. Total fear of personal praise. The inability to recognize your own personal needs. Refusal to ask others for help. Avoiding becoming a burden at all costs. Actively reject, outward validation. prioritizing getting along over honesty. I got to relate to that one. Inability to set healthy boundaries. Another one I can relate to.
Can you relate to any of these comments on the patron pole and let me know, internalizing all blame all the time. Avoiding attention, seeking behaviors. People pleasing before personal pleasing.
Now again, the narcissist has conditioned you to do this. Because you’ve been with them and this is how you have to survive to co-exist with the narcissist. But I ask you. Are you ready to leave that existence? Are you ready to leave it behind? And to step into your power. Step into your personal pleasure.
Just step into knowing that you are worth every single thing that you desire and manifesting the life of your dreams. It’s okay. You are worth. Asking for help.
Proper healthy help.
so how do we break this echoism cycle?
Well, I think you need to become mindful of your habits and your actions. If you’ve checked off any of the symptoms in this list. These are all unhealthy ways of existing in the world after you’ve been abused for so long. And now it’s your time in turn to rise up and become healthy again. How do you become healthy?
By going to the emotional and the brain gym. By reading. And self-improvement books that are empowering, not breaking you down. So empowering that resonate with you. Maybe that’s the daily stoic by Ryan holiday. Maybe that is. You are a badass by Jen Sincero. Maybe that is. Reading the books by Dr. Joe Dispenza or Gabby Bernstein or Bernay brown.
Oprah. I mean, the list goes on and on by reading my book specifically about narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it and all the tools. This is the first step in. The brain gym, because what you put into your brain. Is what you start to believe. And it is. What creates your reality? Thoughts become things. What we put in our brain becomes reality. Just take for instance, a very negative.
Perspective of when you are soaking up. False information or fear-based. News. It’s good to have reality news, but the fear-based news, right. You start to have panic attacks. You start to believe that the sky is falling. So having, , what you put into your brain is very important. Staying grounded, still being on this earth and knowing what’s happening is okay, but not falling prey into the rabbit hole of.
Extremism and fear and, Conspiracy theories. And then understanding that there is a spectrum. I would say we all have narcissistic tendencies within ourselves and the narcissist has turned all of their bad behavior against you. So you’re asking yourself, am I the narcissist? Am I the problem? Because they’ve convinced you that, right? Because they are gaslighting you and completely denying.
The reality of what’s happening, they’re denying any thing that they’ve done wrong. They’re denying the responsibility. So first you have to say, no, I am not the narcissist. And then as you get further on, along in your healing, you realize, well, , I can take responsibility for my part for me personally.
I take responsibility for being a vein prick in my twenties. Because I was overcompensating for how low my self esteem was for the bully that bullied me for how awkward I was. I was always the spiritual leader as a high schooler. No one wants to date a spiritual leader. Right? Like I was so awkward, but I always wanted to belong and be in the popular girl group, which they welcomed me.
But even while I was sitting there with them at lunch, I still didn’t feel like I belonged. So I’m overcompensating for all this in my twenties. And the vanity and the status, and, , the topless car, the poofy hair, the makeup, the high heels. I had a professional corporate job in my twenties. Like I was very successful on the outside.
But it was empty on the inside and that’s my responsibility. I let the narcissist fool me. I mean, I let my own narcissistic traits. Allow myself to be in this toxic relationship with someone who didn’t really care for me, who didn’t love me. Who treated me literally like a porn star, because he was addicted to porn.
And I allowed that to happen. I can’t say, , you’re a bad person, this and that. I can definitely join hashtag me too, to bring awareness that that exists. But I’m not going to continue to perpetuate that. I did nothing wrong. Yeah. I mean, I wanted to feel loved and I thought that’s how I was to fill up was to be hotter, to be looser, to be flexible more or this or that.
But it didn’t matter because I couldn’t ever please him. Right. You can never please the narcissist. So it was my fault that I kept trying. This is the point I’m trying to make. Where is your spectrum of narcissistic traits? Where can you take responsibility? And in aware, can you then evolve and grow and mature and say, okay, I let go of that part of my ego.
I let go of that part of. My shadow self. I transmute it to the universe. I release it. I looking at the clock and it says 11, 11. I am diving deep into sharing with you. How I’ve transformed. From that vein insecure person. And to someone who can speak publicly. And without shame of all my mistakes in the past and all the bad things that have happened to me and how you can free yourself from that too.
So after the self-development, I really found myself. Growing. And it does change your brain chemistry growing through meditation.
And meditation can be super annoying and you don’t have patience for it and you’ve tried it and you failed. And, oh my gosh, I’m a failure now. I can’t even meditate. Like I’m so stupid. No. I mean, I’ve tried and failed meditation too. But when I’ve. Sat and had a voice guide me for instance, like Gabby Bernstein, Dr. Joe Dispenza, all those ones. Right.
I mean, even Cathy Heller, I’m just going to give her credit, even though I don’t like her. She helped guide me through an inner child releasing meditation. And it was beautiful and it was so powerful. So this is why. I became a certified teacher. And teach on the Louisville app and host the meditations on the Patrion is because it’s powerful. It changes your brain chemistry and again, thoughts become things. So what you focus on and visualize and take yourself through.
You can heal and release that stuck energy within your brain and your body. And manifest the life of your dreams. So your lean into the meditation. Let’s say you can’t sit and you can’t even listen to someone’s voice. Like maybe you are manifesting generator and you have a lot of energy. Or a generator.
I myself sometimes could not sit and do a guided meditation. Take that guided meditation on a walk. Get your feet moving left, right left. Right. This is going to calm your anxiety down. I think the reason why you can’t sit and. Endure. Or, you can’t sit through and be patient in a meditation.
Is P as you start to feel your anxiety while up, and you don’t know what to do with it, and you don’t want to feel it. And you feel like if I’m not producing something or doing something or being productive than I’m worth nothing, right. These are all just false ideas. And maybe you’re not thinking that at all. Maybe there’s other reasons, but I know that’s how I felt. Right. And so maybe you feel the same.
And so walking, just , put the headphones in, you got your meditation on. Maybe it’s the calming singing bowls and you turn those on and you go walking outside. This left right left right in the brain actually sends brain wave signals to calm down your amygdala, calm down your anxiety. And at the same time you have a guided meditation. So you’re, you’re really getting the benefits of both of calming that down and.
Changing the chemistry in your brain. Buddhist monks, do this all the time. And they call it the walking meditation. You don’t have to sit and be nothing to meditate. You walk through nature, you walk through wherever you are. You just walk. And then be mindful the rest of your day. How are you opening and closing your cabinet doors and drawers? Are you closing them all the way? I’m guilty of not doing that because I’m not being mindful.
And I’m scurrying through my day with high anxiety. Like I can’t get enough done. So every single motion that we do, every single action is. a meditation. How we respond to people can be a meditation.
How we don’t respond and how we have self-control and withhold what our ego wants to say to the toxic narcissist. That is a meditation. So lean into that.
Now the third one. Especially with echoism and narcissists taking all the joy and the center stage of everything. Is you feel like you aren’t a thing and you don’t take compliments at all right. You self-deprecate. So this echoism. To shift that is to lean into celebration of yourself.
Lean into yourself. Love yourself care. Celebrate you. If you haven’t done this, this may be a really beautiful exercise that Jude Hotep had me do an astrologer. She was a guest on the podcast. And it’s right down. All of the things you’re good at that you can do.
I took a pause around the holidays and writing articles about self-care in each Zodiac because I was exhausted and I knew I needed to tap into my own. Self-care. So it is something that though is really important that I’m going to be up and back in creating. I’m going to create a care package for a patrons over on Patrion.
And it’s really valuable because you get the information specifically on what body part to focus on and which essential oils can help you and herbs and things like that. But I mean, even just doing something simple and running a bath with some lavender oil, , just taking the time to light a candle.
And have some quiet time for yourself. Celebrate your victories. Celebrate your strengths. Having that journal time to write down and maybe it’s too hard to write everything. So write five things a day. What are you really good at? Write down your strengths. And it can be as little and as simple as I’m a good listener.
Or. I, I’m great at taking care of my dog. , Things that you take for granted, write those down and celebrate yourself and celebrate your victories to bring balance back , to develop your healthy ego.
. And number four is.
Developing high quality connections. It is no surprise that when you are recovering from narcissistic abuse, that you don’t trust anybody. And that’s fair. Absolutely. You don’t want to trust just anybody. Who’s offering you something, but you’re like extra cautious, from. That narcissist who wooed you in and love bomb. Do.
And develop that trust within you, and then started to develop the trauma bond of abusing you and putting you down and taking the center spotlight and all that fun stuff that you just let them do. And you let them. Trump all over you. And again, that goes back to the responsibility. What behavior did you allow in your life?
Truth bomb. A little bit hurtful. But yet, , you didn’t. Make them do it, but you allowed it to continue to happen. Right. It’s just the same as when you discover which. Centers in your human design charter open.
And when you realize that you’re unconsciously have your back door wide open for all these different energies, negative and dark and good and bad. And. Vampires. They’re all able to come into that door, into that center of your life, into your body, your energy body. And then you go, oh my gosh, that’s, what’s been happening. Right. Awareness, light bulb. And now you have a choice to take control and say, I’m closing that door and I’m locking it.
That means I can still open the door and go out and let out. But I’m when I need to have that guarded and protected from the vampires and dark energies. You close that door. And that is something. Again, you go back to the brain and the emotional gym. As to develop the boundaries. And then having developing the boundaries will then teach people how to treat you.
And once you start emitting that type of energy, you will start attracting people. Who. Are healthy and they treat you with respect. You’re not going to have people hounding you or being very needy and wanting of all your time because upfront you’re not going to really give off that vibe. And you’re not going to entertain that.
And that’s really. The thing is to be able to find people that are high quality connections. You kind of don’t realize they’re high quality connections because. , they’re not in your sphere all the time because they’re solid. They’re self-confident they’re self-sustaining they’re not needy. Like.
A narcissist or an energy vampire. So. These connections can be formed through communities through one-on-one relationships. And through different in-person clubs or, , classes that you join. . And through those communities again. The motivation with the impath healing community I formed over on patron is to start to develop that safe environment for you to get you like your training wheels on like, okay, I’m gonna go over here and gain some healing and community.
Get my training wheels on and how to make connections. And then you’ll be empowered to go make in-person connections out into the world. With your beautiful empathic self. And with. , your backdoor and your screens put up. So you still have your centers guarded. But you can still let your beautiful light shine out.
And lastly, how to recondition away this echoism from being in the shadow of the narcissist. Is letting the light in.
Raven Scott: We have to let the light in. We have to learn to trust again and be vulnerable again. And
like I said, and
Raven Scott: through
developing those
Raven Scott: boundaries and knowing yourself and knowing the red flags. And knowing your inner authority through your human design.
Is understanding. Which people you can be vulnerable with and which you should not. And I know it takes a long time and you might still make a mistake here or there.
But you’ll be able to cut off that relationship a lot quicker. Or set up certain boundaries a lot quicker, and then that person can react. However they react. And if you simply can’t move the last obstacle.
You just have to reach out your hand. And call on those who can help you. Again, That’s what I do in the impact. Healing community.
We are hosting . Our first monthly. Healing. Healing
circle. February 25th. You can sign up and join the membership as a founding member and the link in the show notes on Patriot. Trian. Perhaps. You do need something a bit deeper than just a community online. And that’s why I highly suggest. Reaching out to a qualified professional. a therapist. One, especially who is educated in trauma.
I mean, even social workers, there’s some beautiful angels as social workers. I think almost social workers are better because they’re dealing with this type of toxic behavior all the time through. Foster cares and systems and all that. Right. So. Reach out to a professional. If you don’t know of anyone in your area, you don’t have a referral number. You can always sign up and take a look at the better help.
Dot com forward slash M path link. And all of this is your gym. All of this is your space. To shift from being stuck and angry and just an echo, a whisper just disappearing away after the narcissist, this has taken everything from you. Into becoming your truest self to rising up becoming that inner warrior. You are.
And letting your unique light shine out into the world. Because you have a purpose. And I know this because every single one of us has a unique energy blueprint in our human design. And in that blueprint, there is a specific theme of your purpose. And within that theme. There then is a very specific role you have as a puzzle piece on this planet.
You all have that? And I’m happy to pull up your chart for you and take a quick read to take a look at that. And find it. And that is for free, just. Go to the Raven scott.show forward slash shop you fill out the form to get your chart, and I’ll draw that up and I’ll do a quick little audio for you.
So there you have it.
Those are five ways to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse and rise up from echoism. All my note takers out there. I will list them once more. Number one is say, no. Number two is take responsibility. Number three is lean into self celebration and love.
Number four is developing high quality connections.
And number five is letting the light in. Understanding your unique blueprint.
And rewiring your nervous system and brain through the higher virtues. And mindfulness, somatic healing practices. don’t forget to grab your free 10 ways in How to Overcome Pain and Live Narc free audio series. The link is in the blog page in the
Raven Scott: show notes.
If you’re grateful enjoying this podcast rate and review. It would really help. And spreading the word about this small yet very fast growing. Podcast. To reach more beautiful and paths like yourself.
And remember always keep your unique light shining.
Raven Scott: Meditation can end your suffering from the heartache of narcissistic abuse. Know that daily meditation practice can change your brain’s chemistry. Holiness. The Dalai Lama challenged a scientist who studied the brain waves of someone who does not meditate versus a regular meditator, and they applied a pain pressure, and when they’re about to feel the pain in the MRI, they gave.
and the person who did not meditate, their brain chemistry started to go into fight or flight when they heard the beep, when they felt the pain. And then after they felt the pain, they ruminated on the pain. And the person who regularly meditated heard the beep, brain didn’t do anything, received the pain, the brain ignited, and then immediately it stopped after the pain went away.
So what I’m trying to say to you is that daily meditation can. Remove the stress, the heartache, and the pain that you’re feeling. Post betrayal from the narcissist. This is one of the reasons why I became a certified meditation teacher, and now I’m hosting Live meditations on the luvo app, and it’s because it helped me removed all of the heartache, removed the P S D and the pain and suffering that I was going through.
So I encourage you to download the luvo app today. It’s 100% free to download the app.
Raven Scott Show 